My tryst with the stars for a few bucks

My Tryst with the Stars for a few bucks...

Anyone who has been to the Americas , especially from India would know how tough it is to find your kind of a cup of coffee. Other than the fact that even the hot coffees are cold out here, there are other tough questions on size, milk, caffeine to deal with. You’d think after 5 trips to the US, and after watching English-Vinglish, I would know better. Apparently, it is not so.

Day 1:  I go up to the counter and ask for brewed coffee since sis had already let it be known that none of the ‘lattes’ (too bitter) or mochas (too chocolaty and bitter) would work for me. So I look for the smallest size and I find that the “tall” one versus the large and extra large on the menu would work for me.  I find that the tall one also is really huge (were they trying to feed a hippopotamus or was it me? I wonder). Anyway I go ahead and say I need 1/4^th  of the glass to have milk in it. I pay 2 dollars  and sixty nine cents and get away with it; however I still find the coffee too strong for me, and the temperature very low – so low that I finished the coffee in one shot in a few seconds.

Day 2: I go up the counter and ask for brewed coffee again and this time, instead of saying ‘tall’ I ask for the ‘smallest size available’ . Lo and behold ; the lady at the counter pulls out a glass and says this was the ‘short’ one , and to my surprise it looked like it was pretty much closer to the cup size I had in India.  So now I start the next thing on my rigamarole: I say “25% of the glass to be filled with milk please”. This time it is the lady’s turn to look at me quixotically. Clearly- she does not understand what I say. But she obliges with a smile and starts to make coffee. Suddenly she asks me ‘is 2 percent milk ok?’ . I say yes, and move on to pick my cuppa up. And THEN when I taste my cuppa, its not ok at all. Tastes like the bitterest coffee amongst the brewed. I realize she meant “2 percent of fat milk” – it means she put in the milk, but not in 25% of the glass ( which we Indians know is  1/4^th of the glass).  Clearly, In America, they do not do the math; and clearly: we Indians do not know these “x percent” milk fundamentals. I resolve to say “1/4^th of the cup” should be filled with milk and not 25%, the next time around. Not having a choice, I wolf down the barely heated up bitter coffee. The milk that is poured in is always so cold that it brings down the temperature of the already too-cold coffee down by several nautches.

Day 3: I resolve to add more to my say at the counter, in the quest to find the perfect cup of coffee. This time I walk up boldly, confidently, and say “ I need a REALLY  hot cup of coffee; can you please get me one?”. The guy at the counter smiles and says “you are at the right counter honey”. Emboldened, I say “I need a short glass, if it is the smallest possible one, I need 1/4^th of the glass to be filled with milk; I also need the milk to be fully fatty ; and I need the coffee to be really really hot”.  You’d think this was enough, but I get a look over again and am told “there is no fatty milk in the United States”. I am also asked ‘would you like it 190 degrees?’ . My mother in the queue behind me gestures frantically to say “no” but I remember just in time that the Americans use Fahrenheit and not the Celsius system. So I nod a Yes.  The next question put to me is “is half and half OK?”. Now THIS, my dear readers, is the closest they get to having “full milk” in the US. So finally, I get a cup of coffee that has 1/4^th of it filled with half and half milk at 190 Fahrenheit and the shortest possible short cup (which is smaller than the tall one on the menu).

My day 3 coffee is pretty good..not bad at all.  I dream at night of making it perfect, and I dream of more temperature and milk and caffeine factors to talk about when I reach the counter.

Day 4 : I teach my mother to repeat whatever I had discovered on day 3. Alas- she comes back to the table with two Café Lattes none a size too small. For now I am beleaguered with more questions: Do I like my Latte as a decaf, or with milk; A shot of coffee or custom? Syrup or drink? Tall, thin, Large or Extra Large? Hot or very hot or extra hot?

PS: For anyone who wants to travel to the Americas, keep saying you need the ‘smallest possible size of the cup’ that is available, and hopefully you will find that elusive cup of coffee which so evades me even as I write. And make sure you want it EXTRA HOT. (you’d need a lesson in Fahrenheit to Celsius conversion for this one)